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Are You Experiencing A Mildlife Transitiion?

  • Do you feel unhappy or disillusioned?
  • Are you lacking in motivation?
  • Are you feeling bad about signs of aging?
  • Is your work no longer satisfying?
  • Are you looking for new challenges or a new direction?
  • Is the awareness of mortality hitting home?
  • Do you experience a growing discontent with the life or lifestyle that may have once made you happy?
  • Are you bored with the people, pursuits, and possessions that once held more interest?
  • Are you feeling adventurous and wanting to do something different?
  • Are you questioning the meaning of life?
  • Are you feeling more exhausted than you have in the past?
  • Are you often awake with mental anxiety at night?
  • Do you find it increasingly difficult to get motivated in life generally?
  • Are you longing for significant changes in core aspects of your daily life or situation?
  • Are you searching for something as-yet undefined?
  • Do you think often about walking out of your life?
  • Are you trying to look, act, and feel younger than you actually are?
  • Are you overly involved with the lives of your grown children?
  • Are you feeling restless and yearn for changes in your life, but don’t know how?
  • Are you obsessing over your physical appearance and/or weight?
  • Is your health becoming an increasing concern?
  • Do you often now question rules and social expectations that limit your self-expression?
  • Do you feel like you are walking in shoes that are too small for you?

If you answer yes to more than 6 of the above questions, then chances are you are approaching your Transition. Answering Yes to 10 or more – You are definitely in the throes of your very own Midlife Transition!

MY TOP TIPS FOR RAISING “SELF ESTEEM” AT MIDLIFE

You are unique. There has never been and never will be anyone on Earth who is just like you!
You are special, worthy, and a lovable person, but sometimes you may find this hard to believe.

What is Self Esteem?

Self Esteem cannot be defined easily, because it is a personal quality, there is one factor though on which we can all agree:- Self Esteem makes you feel good ~ In Fact It Could Be Called = “The Feel Good Factor”.

Qualities that we associate with Self Esteem Could include things such as:-

High Esteem

  • Confidence
  • Happy
  • Feeling In Control
  • Thinking Positively
  • Vitality
  • Having Self-Respect
  • Assertive

Low Esteem

  • Lacking confidence
  • Unhappy
  • Being out of control
  • Thinking Negatively
  • Depression
  • No Self Respect
  • Victim

As we go through Midlife, we are faced with an abundance of changes both around us, to us and to those we love. From physical, physiological changes, empty nesting, coping with adult children living at home, changes in career – planning for retirement, caring for elderly parents to mention a few. All of these changes alone can be draining on our energy bodies, mentally physically and emotionally, and can really tax us in many ways. At Midlife, it is natural process for us to question our heretofore held values and beliefs both about ourselves and about those closest to us. But the most important values here are the values and beliefs that we hold about ourselves.

Circle That Forms Self-Esteem

Our Self-Belief determines our Self-Values = determines our Self Respect governs our Actions/Behaviour which determines our Feelings about ourselves which feeds back into our Self Beliefs.

circle-self-esteem

NOTE: We learned our beliefs about ourselves when we were very young. We came to our understanding of the world around us through the adults in our lives at that time, probably our parents, older siblings or others close to us. We have learned our self-perception and our perception of the world. We absorbed without question what we heard when we were younger – regardless of whether that criticised us or praised us or appreciated us.
N.B. All beliefs we learned, that support our self-esteem, can be changed.

MY TIPS FOR IMPROVING YOUR LEVEL OF SELF ESTEEM

  1. Stop Comparing Yourself To Others
  2. Body Confidence – What would assist you ~ To Feel Better about Your Physical Appearance. How committed are you to making the change happen?
  3. Challenge Your Negative Self Talk – How would you react if a friend said some of these negative things to you? Are they true? Would you allow your friend to speak to you like this?
  4. List Your Strengths – Things about you and your life achievements that make you proud of you.
  5. Self Esteem Boosting Exercise ~ (Watch my video at https://www.facebook.com/Spiritualrays/videos/10212642814090512/)
  6. Gratitude List ~ What are you grateful for in your life…keep a daily gratitude journal ~ building new neural pathways in your brain which focus on the positives in your life.
  7. Positive Affirmations ~ Repeat these often to yourself ~ Write them down and place them where you will see them easily as you go about your daily activities. E.g.
    “ I LOVE & VALUE MYSELF”
    “I CREATE WHAT I LOVE IN MY LIFE”
    “I LOVE AND ACCEPT MYSELF AS A UNIQUE SPARK OF DIVINE CREATION IN ACTION”
  1. Exercise & Physical Activity ~ proven to neutralise negative self-reprisal thoughts and improve your physical health, which in turn improves your self-image and self-worth.
  2. Realise that beauty comes from within us, we are so much more than our physical surface appearance without. How can you deepen your self-belief in this regard? What have you done to help others, how have you contributed to others lives, have you been a wonderful mother, daughter, sister aunt etc. Too often we disregard how much we do for others and when we remember how kind and beautiful we are within, it reinforces how much we can be proud of ourselves.
  3. Make a plan to undertake 3 – 5 activities that will improve your self-esteem and follow through on completion of your plan. We all have pursuits/interests that we enjoy and make us feel good about ourselves.
  4. Forgive yourself for being human and making mistakes know that this is normal and not something you need to beat yourself up over.

Be your own best friend, treat yourself like you would your best friend, forgive yourself, encourage yourself, be there for you when you are down, nurture yourself the way you would your best friend. Build a positive relationship with yourself, nurture your inner child often, listen to what is best for you, be kind to yourself and learn to love yourself.

Namaste

Wishing you oceans of Love & Light in your journey!

My Top Strategies for A Good Night’s Sleep!

  1. NATURAL SUNLIGHT – Ensure you take in 15/20 MINS of natural sunlight at the start of each day. Increases Vitamin D levels and resets and regulates your circadian rhythm (body clock).
  2. EXERCISE – Regular exercise encourages deep sleep patterns. Do it 1st thing in morning, or if not as early as possible in day. Strenuous exercise can act as a stimulant, co don’t do this before your bedtime as it will actually make it more difficult for you to get to sleep.
  3. ROUTINE – Our brains are hardwired to RISE At DAWN and REST At SUNSET.
    The body’s natural healthy sleep pattern relies on this rule being kept consistently. The Dawn light – acts to rapidly decrease our melatonin levels, this sets the pace for the next 24 hour cycle. If you rise at 8am 5 days a week, and sleep in at weekends, this will disrupt your natural body clock and once disrupted, it impacts negatively on your body’s natural sleep patterns.
  4. SWITCH OFF – It takes time for the brain to switch off and produce melatonin so we slow down, calm down before bedtime….You need to switch off electronic devices, leave them downstairs overnight charging, as these devices emit a blue light which can suppress melatonin production and so disrupt sleep quality. Turn off the television in your bedroom, an hour before sleep. Do Not Bring These Devices To Bed With You.
  5. POWER OFF FB AND SOCIAL MEDIA – Staying connected or checking your social media accounts during your natural sleep hours, is a definite detrimental distraction, and will reduce your ability to sleep. Trust me, you won’t miss anything!
  6. CUT OUT STIMULANTS – Caffeine & Alcohol are known stimulants with effects that can last many hours. Enjoy coffee and caffeine related foods/beverages before mid-day if you are having difficulty sleeping.
    Some, people claim alcohol can induce sleep for them – and they use it as a nightcap, but alcohol is a stimulant, and while an excess can make you drowsy- this generally isn’t a deep sleep such as your body needs, and you will most likely wake up after a short while both dehydrated and be unable to return to sleep. This will result in sleep deficiency issues.
  7. MINDFULNESS MEDITATION – Doing a “Body Scan Meditation” or progressive muscle relaxation or other similar meditation practice before bed will prepare your body for sleep. It is also a good way to still “relentless mind chatter” – as the brain is focusing on the body as you go through the different muscles in the body scan meditation. This distracts the mind and slows it down also.
  1. LET GO – Sometimes, it is our mental worrying that keeps us awake, perhaps thinking about jobs that we need to do the next day, or jobs we didn’t finish today. One simple tip to help with this – is to have a notebook and pen by your bed, and write down the things you need to remember tomorrow, so it is out of your head, before you try to go to sleep. Plus, when you wake up tomorrow, you will have a list of what needs to be done today!
  2. APPLY THE QUARTER HOUR RULE – A study was done in Oxford University recently on Sleep and the Neuroscience of the Circadian Rhythm, it found, that if you don’t get to sleep within the first 15 minutes of getting into bed at night, that you should get out of bed, go into a different room, do a relaxing activity, such as deep breathing or perhaps an activity such as the body scan meditation, until you feel sleepy, tired and ready to sleep. This also has the effect of breaking any negative association some people may have developed over time (suffering with tossing/turning, bad sleep patterns) to your bed = you being awake!
  3. SET THE SCENE – Give yourself every opportunity to get a good nights rest.
    DARKNESS – is a prerequisite for the production of melatonin by your body.
    TEMPERATURE – Studies show 18-21 Degrees is the ambient air temperature that suits most people for getting a good night’s sleep.
    BEDDING – Check that your mattress is comfortable and that you replace old flattened pillows – treat yourself to some new fluffy comfy pillows regularly.
    USE ESSENTIAL OILS – Some Essential Oils promote sleep such as Ylang Ylang, Lavendar, Bergamot, Calmomile – they induce a sense of calm and make it easier for you to fall asleep. You can use them as a pillow or room spray, use on the body pulse points or they can be added to a pre-bedtime bath. N.B. Do check the bottle, read the label, as some essential oils should not be used directly on the body.
  4. LISTEN TO SOOTHING SOUNDS – The recommended tempo is 60-80 beats per minute (BPM) which incidentally is the same range as the human body pulse rate. Also, repetitive sounds distract the mind from constant thoughts and relax muxcles. Add in some deep breathing to this and it is an extremely powerful way to induce a good nights sleep.

I hope you have found this document and strategies useful, and that the suggested tips serve you well in obtaining a regular healthy sleep pattern.

Soul Purpose Life Of Meaning

Your True Purpose, Living A Life Of Meaning!

As Child:- You were asked, What do you want to be when you grow up?

At Midlife:- The Question is similar - What do you want to be, have, and do, for the rest of your life?

Personal Story :

When I was a child I spent a lot of time surrounded by people but always feeling alone, my favourite place was sitting on a windowsill, on a upstairs landing window, overlooking the farmyard below. Watching all the people who lived in the house, but also all the visitors to the house come and go. I had a view of faraway fields and cars travelling on distant roads and I remember thinking where is everyone going? What is it that everyone is so busy doing? Am I the only one who is sitting still? Am I the only watcher of life? I certainly was within my own family, as they were part of that picture busy rushing in all directions, on timescales, and routines which had to be kept.

I have never liked routine and in fact resisted routine in my own life, work and personal time, routine felt like death to me. Need for living moment by moment was something that always felt right to me. I guess I have lived my life true to that belief, which is probably why growing up, I can’t remember ever knowing what I wanted to be when I grew up, unlike my sisters, who always answered the same thing in response to that question.

I always felt different to them, and it turned out that I was totally different in a multitude of ways to them, right to this day.

So why am I telling you this? Well, I know I am not the only person in the world who didn’t fit into the box of majority! And I guess what I have learned from this is that I was a wise soul right from the start of my life, & that I could trust in my own innate wisdom.

I didn’t always trust or believe in myself though, and that is why for many years, I tried so hard to be like my sisters, so that I would fit in. I twisted and turned myself inside out and upside down, so that I would conform with the norm in my family. So that I would please my parents, my older siblings and so on. This wasn’t something I could keep up for long though, as I knew it wasn’t who I was, and so I realised that very early in life. I earned the title of Family Rebel years ago!

I learned that the most important lesson in my life is that in order to be happy, to feel good about myself, to wake up each morning and feel I was living my life on my terms, was in fact the answer to that question that I had mulled over and over in my mind for so long!

My Answer was “To be “fully me” in every part of my life”! Being fully myself, living life on my terms, working at what I enjoyed, loving what I do, because that to me is what matters most. Not the list of achievements, qualifications, or letters after my name, which I happened to gather as I lived authentically throughout my life, but rather it is about feeling “fully aligned with my inner self, my inner truth about me”.

It is also the answer to the second question, because I want to continue to be fully me for the rest of my life too.

So many of us struggle to know what our one big life purpose is? In fact, people have become totally stressed out about what there one purpose, one gift, one true meaning is for them…..and what I have learned is that

  1. Your true purpose is not your job, career, passion or anything else but
  2. It is in fact when all the parts of your life are lived from the deepest part of your soul….in other words……your life is always in alignment with your soul when you are being fully yourself.

That is what your purpose is all about, it’s not outside of you, except that which you choose to project outwards into the world, which if you are in alignment, will be your authentic expression of who you fully are within!

Your soul whispers your truth to you every day, but you may not stop to hear it. I didn’t always know what I know now. I learned the hard way, by trying to fit in with what those around me said I “should” want?

So, if you want to know how to tune into your true purpose in this life, then find your answers to these important life questions……

Pre-requisite here, is that you are 100% Authentic with YOU as you answer!

  1. Are you being fully you, in all areas of your life?
    Your job, Your relationship, Where you live, How you live, Your Actions, What You Say? How you show up in the world? In what you do in your spare time?
  2. Do you wake up feeling you are “free to express your true self each day”? Or do you say what others want to hear? Are you like I used to be, a “People Pleaser”?
  3. Do you know you need to change something you are doing, but don’t feel you know where to start? Because that is ok, its ok to feel confused, or even fearful, fully own that feeling, follow it and allow it to bring you to your deepest truth!
  4. Do you seek answers in books, videos, from wise friends or gurus? I did all of this too and it is part of the journey, a very necessary part of the journey. One which you will learn a lot from trust me….
  5. What did you want to be when you grew up? Remember the answer you gave, know this probably changed many times as you developed through your life. Or you may still be doing it? The most important thing is - Does it still fill you with joy and happiness? Or is it time to change it? Honour yourself and your deepest truth in your answer!
  6. What do you want to be before you grow older? This is what is most important to you right now. Stop making excuses, stop putting obstacles in your way….and stop waiting for the magic day when all the conditions will be just right for you to make the changes you need to make right now! Do you want to wait until you reach burnout, because you are not honouring what your soul needs? Until the anxiety levels are off the charts? Until your health suffers serious damage? All because you are not “being authentic” in your life!

Lastly, I want to share with you the 5 Regrets of the Dying by Bronnie Ware who cared for dying people as a personal carer in Australia for many years. (These People whom she cared for had 3-12 weeks left to live). Bronnie shares their top 5 regrets in her book of same name.

  1. I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
  2. I wish I hadn’t worked so hard.
  3. I wish I had the courage to express my feelings.
  4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
  5. I wish I had let myself be happier.

Remember, to honour where your heart is leading you, this is ultimately because the more connected you become to your heart song, which is your true calling. To me, self-love is when we are 100% authentic with our inner calling, our soul’s true mission, and when we honour this, then we will be living our lives in alignment with our true purpose, and our lives will be filled with deep restorative meaning. Be Yourself Mind, Body & Spirit 100% in alignment.

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Thank you. Namaste.

Yvonne Clarke
Midlife Empowerment Mentor/Healer

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